Forgivness Takes Love
by kittyonnails
Summary: Shanpu journeys through her past to find herself


Shanpu watched the coastline fade into the distance. She was leaving Nippon once again. She pinched the tip of her tongue between her front teeth to keep the tears from her eyes. She had no one to go home to this time, Obaba was in Nippon, she had no one else. No one except Ranma. That was why she was going back though. The sworn duty of an Amazon was to marry the man who bested her in combat, but she had become unsure this past week.   
  
She had been on a delivery for the Neko Haten, as usual, she ran into Ranma and greeted him like a wife should greet her husband. He pushed her away again. As she watched him fade into the horizon she got up to leave, but not before she noticed the ducks swimming nearby. Her vision went green. There was Mousse, swimming and flirting with another duck! She caught herself suddenly and stepped back. Jealous of Mousse?! How could this be? Ranma was her one true love, not Mousse, annoying duck-boy. The simple incident had shaken her confidence in her marriage. She had tried to act in the same loving ways twards Ranma, but it just wasn't working. And so Shanpu was going back to China. She is looking for help. The kind of help that only the Chinese Amazon gods can give her.   
  
Forgiveness Takes Love  
  
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction  
  
By: Noriko Hirano  
  
Her sisters were no longer living at home, so she had the entire house to herself. Her return was sure to cause gossip, but it didn't matter. This was China, and everything she cared about was in Japan, thousands of miles to the east. No one in Japan knew why Cologne had come to help Shanpu, why Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung had come as well. No one in Japan knew of Shanpu's dishonor.   
  
The tribe had decided that only she was to be banished, but the dishonor had driven all of her relatives into exile as well. The banishment simply meant she was not an amazon woman by law, Shanpu was still allowed to come back . They never thought she would have come home after being disowned by her sisters. The shame was just too much for an Amazon to bear. Now she was home, in the empty house where her Great-grandmother had raiser her and her sisters. It just wasn't home without them. She could feel the eyes of her neighbors peeking out at the shamed woman. She bit her tongue to hold back the tears. In an effort to forget the past and present Shanpu set her pack down on the hardwood floor, stirring the thin layer of dust that had accumulated there. Only one night here and then she would head for the forest, to a place hidden away where no one would find it without needing to. The Shrine of Hon-Kiri, amazon goddess of truth. Shanpu needed to know the truth. She hadn't told anyone that she was going to see Hon-Kiri, simply that she needed to talk to her gods. She was sure that Great-Grandmother suspected what she could hardly admit herself. The truths she seeks is her own heart. She can only guess at what lies within it's four hidden chambers. Only Hon-Kiri could help her, and the thought frightened her.  
  
Just before sunrise Shanpu finished her morning tea and left the framework that housed her childhood. Now, more than ever, she was alone. The feeling was overwhelming. Again, her tongue was punished for the tears that attempted to escape.   
  
She hiked all day through the untamed mountain forests of the Byankala mountains, but did not see any sign of a temple. Around dusk she caught sight of a clear mountain spring, the kind that they show on bottles of water. There was a young girl of around fifteen sitting on a rock half submerged in the icy water. She was using a handmade clay dish to pour the clear water onto her hair. That hair caught the light and sent it back in the form of a beautiful rainbow. Shanpu stared at her from behind a tree for a full minute, watching her wet her long black hair. She eventually approached the mysterious and beautiful girl. She was not sure what language to speak. The girl could speak any one of four local languages. Shanpu decided to speak in her own Amazon dialect, and see which she answers in.   
  
"Hello, lovely day isn't it?" She asks walking up to the girl. She certainly won't know what Shanpu has said, she is obviously no Amazon. No one, but Amazons speak their dialect. The girl smiles up at her and takes a deep, breath, "Yes, it certainly is." Shanpu gasped. This girl speaks her language. The girl smiled at her obvious shock. "Do not worry over a thing as trivial as language. You have deeper furrows in your mind, I'm sure." Shanpu nodded, wondering how the girl knows. "My name is Ming-Su, what's your name?" She smiled so warmly that Shanpu feelt compelled to answer promptly. "Shanpu." Ming-Su nodded and poured more water on her hair. "Do you know how I can find the temple of Hon-Kiri?" Shanpu asked nervously. For all her beauty this girl could be a goddess herself.   
  
"No, I'm sorry. I've never paid tribute there." Ming-Su stopped wetting her hair and considered something momentairly. "Isn't Hon-Kiri's temple a hidden one?" Shanpu shrugged, "I did not concern myself with the goddess until recently. I do not know." Ming-Su smiled. "Yes, I believe Hon-Kiri's temple is hidden." Shanpu sighed, "Then how do I find it? I simply have to get to her shrine!" Shanpu turned a desperate face to the girl, if she didn't get to see Hon-Kiri, how would she ever chose a husband? What if she chose the wrong man? How would she know her heart's true desire?   
  
"Do not fret. It is simple to find a hidden temple." Shanpu looked at her both hopeful and skeptical.   
  
"I am a priestess of the goddess Hon-Su. That is how I speak your tongue. Hon-Su gratned me the gift of all language. Hon-Su also resides in a hidden temple. They can be easier to locate than obvious temples, if you know how."   
  
Shanpu reached into her pack and pulled out a lovely piece of black glass pottery. "Please, tell me how to find Hon-Kiri, and accept this gift for Hon-Su." Shanpu started when the pot vanished. Ming-Su walked over to the shore and pulled a silk shirt over her head. She told Shanpu to kneel. "Bow down low to the ground with your forehead touching the mosses. Place your hands flat in front of you and recite the goddesses name. Ask to see her temple."   
  
Shanpu did as she was told. As soon as she had requested Hon-Kiri's temple, the ground cover turned to stone. She was kneeling on the front steps to a small ornate pagoda. A man in a simple silk robe approached her and helped her up. "I- I need to see the goddess," Shanpu stammered. He did not speak, he only took her pack and motioned her through the doors.  
  
Inside, was a large room lit in blue by a panel of oddly colored glass that covered the skylight. Several young women came out of the little arches that were carved into the walls all around the room. Each was dressed in pale blue silk. They did not speak, they simply removed her pink silk pants and shirt and replaced them with a simple blue robe just like theirs. One of them brought her a cushion to sit on while another led a young woman out to the main room. The woman was blindfolded with a piece of blue silk. She was balancing a jar of water on her head and was clothed in billowing layers of colored silk. Her robes were the colors in a pearl. Shanpu looked at the stones in front of her, afraid to offend this woman. The woman looked with blinded eyes at Shanpu, kneeling on the cushion in front of her.  
  
Shanpu held her breath, she knew that this was Hon-Kiri's high priestess, a woman constantly in contact with the goddess, Hon-Kiri's right-hand woman.  
  
"Shanpu," she said, in a gently firm voice, "you seek knowledge."   
  
Shanpu nodded solemnly, "Yes, the knowledge of my heart."   
  
"You wish to admit something difficult to yourself." The priestess lifted the jar off her head and offeed it to Shanpu.   
  
"Take this," she said, releasing it into Shanpu's trembling fingers. Only the fear of dropping the pot kept it between her timid hands.   
  
"Pour it out, into this bowl." She motioned with her right hand to a maid who held a bowl of unglazed clay.   
  
"Please, it won't hold the water." Shanpu stared into the rough greenware fearfully.   
  
"It's allright." One of the maids smiled softly at her, "that's just what happens sometimes. The really important things won't seep away."   
  
Shanpu nodded impassively and poured from the jug. It was completely glazed with a pale metallic green. Smooth as her silk robes, the water filled the small bowl. When it was full, she offered the jug back to the Priestess, who returned it to her head. Two more maids helped the Priestess up and led her away into one of the hundreds of corners and alcoves along the far wall.   
  
Another maid motioned to the bowl, "This bowl houses your memories. If the water leaks out, then you forget something. If you spill it, all your memories are gone. If it breaks, you lose the ability to remember." Shanpu looked upon the bowl of water with new reverence.   
  
"Place your fingertips in the water and hold your breath."   
  
Shanpu took a deep breath and touched her fingertips to the water's surface, her vision went blank.  
  
Shanpu awoke to hear the sound of water dripping and echoing. She was lying on something unimaginably soft, even softer and lighter than her silk robes. She blinked at the eerie brightness, tinted pale green. She sat up and looked around. Obaba stood next to her on her usual crooked staff.   
  
"It's about time you woke up Shanpu," the old woman commented.   
  
"O-Obaba, how'd you get here?"   
  
Her great-grandmother smiled, "I'm your guide, now hurry up, you want to get back by New Years, don't you?"   
  
Shanpu was perplexed but she dutifully followed Obaba across the soft white ground.  
  
They walked for what seemed like an hour through the snowy hallway before coming to a cave. Even though it was a pale bit of rock, the cave was a stark contrast against the endless white of the landscape around them.  
  
"This," Cologne motioned at the opening, "is where your Journey begins."   
  
Shanpu eyed the cave, it was carved in limestone and an odd purple light seemed to be coming from deep inside. "Let's go," Shanpu whispered, sounding braver than she felt, despite her quiet tone.   
  
Cologne looked at her, "This is your journey Shanpu, not mine, Kei La."   
  
Shanpu nodded and stepped into the cave without looking back. This would most likely be a journey best comleted alone.  
  
The cave was moist, without smelling of mildew. The scent was closer to unpolished alabaster and sweet mountain water. The purple light seemed to be calling to her from deep within the cave. She walked down the corridor deeper and deeper into the earth. Shanpu came to a stream. Unlike any she had seen before, this small cave stream was full of purple water. A phosphorescent light seemed to be emanating from the streambed. Curiously, she touched the water with her fingertips.  
  
"Don't you - - - Shanpu? I'm a guy now, but I'm really A GIRL." The anguish! Her husband, a woman. How to kill the woman and marry the man when they are one? Difficult, Painful. Utterly Painful. The thought of him dead was more than she could bear. Without him, she had no future.  
  
  
  
Shanpu's eyes snapped open. She saw her wet fingertips in the stream. Quickly, she pulled them out of the now-clear water and brushed them over her silk robes. "Ranma," she whispered. Then the tears came. They seemed enough to fill the stream, but they could do nothing to console her hurting.  
  
A hand touched her shoulder and she looked up with a start.   
  
"Don't cry child. Not yet, there are many more waters to consider. The tears that fill this river have been cried. Continue on your journey." Shanpu wiped her tears and looked for the voice's owner, but she was alone. Strange advice being better than none, she continued down into the cave.   
  
She came to another spring. This one gave an orange light. Shanpu bit her lip, knowing what she must do. She winced as her fingers touched the surface of the water, but unlike the last stream, this one was warm.  
  
"Shanpuuuuu!" Mousse ran down the street, "Shanpu, Cologne says it's about to rain, I brought you an umbrella." She would not let herself thank him. "Here you are Shanpu. May I hold it open for you Shanpu?" She would not answer. Only nod. "I love you Shanpu." He smiled and opened the umbrella. Seconds before the raindrops began to fall. "Oh, Shanpu, did you get hit with a raindrop?" There's one on your cheek, let me get it for you." It was so hard. Why did she have to do this to him?  
  
"Oh, Mousse," she whispered drawing her fingers out of the water. She neatly dried them and stepped over the clear water. She was beginning to understand her journey. She could see a green light up ahead, she ran for it. She bravely plunged her fingers into the glowing green water, ready for the memories, whatever they were.  
  
"AAAAHhh!" Ranma stepped back and screamed, "C - CAT! CAT! AAAAHH!" he turned and ran.   
  
Rejection, fear, terrible fear. This was her too. This cat body. She wasn't alone in being cursed. He was cursed too.   
  
"I also hate his curse," she reminded herself, as she took a heavy step over the spring and followed the corridor down the cave. She knelt before soaking her fingers in the pink waters of a spring that was slightly larger than the others.  
  
  
  
That big nasty cat had captured her while she was making a delivery. He had trapped her in that temple. Ranma and Mousse had both come to rescue her. Knives in her heart, Ranma brought Akane along. Even worse, it was Mousse who defeated the large cat, but her Amazon honor said that she couldn't allow him to save her. The rescueing kiss had to be from her husband, Ranma. Ranma made a damned good effort, but she had had to do it herself. Mousse made more effort, always.  
  
Tears streaming down her face, Shanpu licked droplets of the bitter sweet water from her fingers and sobbed outright. What a lie! It was all an act, her life was a giant theater. She was so superficial she would have killed herself, except that she was too depressed to do it correctly. She sobbed as she fell against the wall, openly crying for how she had hurt Mousse.   
  
When the tears had passed she lifted the water, clear now, and drank deeply. She had cried for herself. She cried for the chances that she cheated herself out of. All this in the name of her Amazon pride. Pride. She had no pride any longer. She had cried it all away. The tears stopped and Shanpu continued on.   
  
She came to a room carved in the rock. The floor was covered with a mist so thick that she couldn't see her feet. In the center of the room was a pedestal, made of ivory and carved with the images of Hon-Kiri. On the pedestal was the unglazed bowl, fragile greenware full of water. She approached it, wondering what she was to do with it.  
  
"It is your memories, child. They hold truth only you know." It was Obaba's voice. Shanpu spun, trying to locate its origin.   
  
"Where are you?" she asked the ceiling.   
  
"Why, I'm right here." The old woman tapped her shoulder, "but in reality, I'm right here." Now, Obaba tapped Shanpu's forehead.   
  
"It's all in your mind child. As I said, this is where your memories are kept. This is your chance to forget for good all the hurtful things you have re-lived today. It will all go away. Here's your chance to erase your memories." Shanpu dashed to the table and lifted the bowl. "Just smash it, they will all disappear!"  
  
"No!" she screamed, cradling the bowl lovingly and gazing into it with tears in her eyes. "If I lose my memories, I won't remember Mousse. Look." She gazed into the bowl, where a scene was playing out. Two children of about three are sitting in the barn hayloft over some horses. "I love you Shanpu," the little boy whispered. "Do you love me?" The little girl nodded and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"You see, without bad memories good is not as sweet." She looked at the woman. "Yes, but even sweet memories can be painful."  
  
The little boy smiled, "We'll get married someday, won't we Shanpu?" The little girl nodded.   
  
"No, I will not allow such potential to waste away in common marriage, especially to one so common as you!" Shanpu's mother whisked her away.   
  
"I'm only glad you didn't give verbal consent!"  
  
Shanpu looked up from the scene, teary-eyed.   
  
"And so you were trained to hate that little boy." Obaba shook her head.   
  
"I told your mother that all 3-year olds talk like that, but she wouldn't listen." Shanpu set the bowl down on the pedestal and turned to Obaba.   
  
"I'm ready to leave. Let's get home quickly, I've got something special to tell my fiancees'"  
  
THE END  
  
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End file.
